facebook blind date shit!

FACEBOOK BLIND DATE SHIT

Every other invention has unintended consequences. Both positive n negative. When mobile phones became widely available, it revolutionized dating. So to condom, it made casual flings a real game, even incest. Viagra was intended as a heart drug but it failed and ED became a thing of the past. Read yesterday that a drug that was meant as antidepressant failed but instead fired up libido in women. Women, you will soon smile all the way to bed. With your legs wide open, ready for action. It seems, of late, every invention becomes better used for what it was not intended for.

Facebook, the social networking site has its share of unintended effects. I love strangers, so don’t blame me for not knowing a single individual who make up my list of friends. I have no use for men either. They don’t rock me. I have a policy of strictly not caring to invite men. Even if you insist. All my exes are fighting to comment on my updates. But let this be a story for another day.

Okay, I have a thousand strange bitches as friends. No mean feat assembling this motley crew. Have met not a single soul of these. Some are white, some are black other colors are simply nondescript. Some are in Kenya, others in Africa. To make it simple, they are spread in all the five continents. Some are ladies, some are gals, and many are ageless. And of late, as this story will attest, there are sluts. Real fuckin gold diggers.

This particular whore had a nice pic but it didn’t include her face for reasons that I was to learn later. Boobs to make Janet Jackson shy, thighs that you can only come across in Rio. A nice skirt that exposed some shapely pieces of legs. It is my idea of a perfect gal.

I checked her profile info and it was satisfactory if not a tad sophisticated. She talked of horse riding and playing golf. That is some piece of class men! I targeted this bitch for a chat and she didn’t disappoint.

My chat with this bitch; Fiona, as I later retrieved from Facebook for this story, went like this:

ME: hey sexxxy gal…wassup!
FIONA: hey!

Me: hows you doin…..you got a hot pic, lovely!
FIONA: thenkx…..you are looking good yourself!

Me: thenkx dear…you got some sweet boobs, yummmmy!
FIONA: hey stop that, you making me shy

Me: dowonna be shy, you gotta be proud n floss, they are the rare type
FIONA: You are a flatterer but thanks anyway, so what you doing now

Me: chatting with you I think
FIONA: lol! Stop kidding, I mean, where you are, working?

ME: oh...i gotcha now..am in da house, sipping some Johnnie Walker if you insist on details
FIONA: Johny Walker? Mmm! Ok. You aren’t working today?

ME: I retired, I hit a big jackpot, wonna give other people the opp to get jobs
FIONA: You are lying. How come I didn’t read in the papers?
ME: twas an online jackpot, probably it escaped yer
FIONA: oh I see, lucky you
ME: maby, I don’t see maself as lucky, where u at yoself?
FIONA: am in colle, University of Nairobi
ME: that’s great, whats you studying?
FIONA: am doing media and communications
ME: wow! That’s such a cool course, you wonna kill men on TV gal, those boobs!
FIONA: thenkx, I wonna do radio, am shy
ME: maby yo voice will make me buy a new radio
FIONA: lets wait n see

ME: whats you upto tonite? It’s a Friday you know
FIONA: got no real plans, think am gonna study for exams
ME: mean, u don’t heng out, time for everythin gal
FIONA: I stopped going out sometime ago
ME: wharrapened?
FIONA: I got bored
ME: what made it suck, wharriif yo boyfie insists
FIONA: don’t have a boyfie now
ME: why? You too cute to be alone
FIONA: I dumped him, just got bored with him
ME: why, he wasn’t upto the game?
FIONA: what game, you are funny, he played me
ME: sorry for that, maby you didn’t give him enough
FIONA: it is not a must
ME: stop kidding, you mean you don’t enjoy sex
FIONA: I don’t
ME: what if I become yo boyfie; will you let me kiss yo sweeet boobs? I wont resist the temptation to do it
FIONA: how did you know they are sweet?
ME: they look hard n firm and fresh, wish I could hold them, squeeze the nipples
FIONA: you are going too far, ma nipples are not that big
ME: if I pass my tongue on them they gonna be big, am licking them on the screen already
FIONA: lol..You are cheeky
ME: anybody seeing those boobs is gonna get cheeky, gosh! Am so horny
FIONA: stop talking this trash then
ME: no, maby you can touch ma dick and twill be ok
FIONA: don’t touch dicks
ME: doworry, you gat nuthin to lose, I will do all the touching and licking. Am gonna lick all the juice in yo pussie dry.
FIONA: are you sure? N what else? You are a bad boy!
ME: that n more, gotta watch out though, I could easily swallow yo clit
FIONA: Really? My clit is so small
ME: doworry am gonna excite it n make it big n swallow it, yo pussie must be sweet!
FIONA: bad boy, you sure?
ME: am shore, wait n see, though you better watch out cos you might scream too much
FIONA: am not the screaming type
ME: you aint been done right, trust me gal, I got the magic stick, am gonna hit it to the home stretch
FIONA: lol! Home stretch? What if I don’t get there?
ME: chop ma dick off n take it home as a souvenir n label it loud mouth
FIONA: aha haa…

ME: would you mind a drink at the Sheppard’s tonite
FIONA: Maybe. But let it be early
ME: you can come right away
FIONA: How will I know you?
ME: take ma number 0722 953 981, gimme yos, just in case
FIONA: Ok. 0726 074 734
ME: will call yer when me get to town, twas fun chatting with yer babie...you such a sweet chat
FIONA: it was nice too. Bye
ME: bye HONIE! Cant wait to see yer, Cheers!

So far, so good! I jumped into the bathroom and showered as I sang the latest of Black Eyed Peas…Got a feeling, that tonite gonna be a good nite….that tonite gonna be a good good nite….uuuh uuuh! I was excited and anxious that I had won a trophy…her legs could not get out of my mind.

I put on loafers, jeans, and a hot t-shirt. I was lookin n feeln like a member of a rock band. I had worn ma rarest perfume. The one I bought in South Africa. I alerted two of ma hunting pals that I had a bounty waiting for their eyes at the Sheppard’s. They promised to play witness to ma catch. Off I went to town.

As we were seated at the lounge, my phone rang. True to expectations, it wrote FIONA! I almost punched in the air. I picked it up. Some sweet voice answered. I explained where we were seated.

1. Some tart stood on the door to the lounge and made a phone call. I didn’t mind because she was not familiar or in any way a gal like Fiona. Surprisingly, my phone rang and again showed Fiona! The haggard slut on the door could not be FIONA! God! No, not before my friends! The devil approached us n extended her hand at me. She was something out of a garbage heap. Some strong cheap perfume hit my nose. Shit! I froze in ma seat. Ma friends were left staring. What a nite!


TO BE CONTINUED!