SEX ANONYMOUS
Goddam shit! That red g-string really haunts me men. Such messy stuff a combination of alcohol n pussie produces. I wish I would have stuck with my Tusker rather than drink spirits in a strange town. Have lost count of the number of times I have promised my stupid self never to touch this substance. Ouch! This pain sucks! I must have rolled downstairs or those dogs must have dragged me. But I believe I gave someone a good punch. Otherwise my fist should not be smarting like this. I hate bouncers. I am lucky though, fighting with unschooled bumpkins can be disastrous. It wasn’t funny men. That thing was real bad. Holy shit, I did a good job of cheating those thick cops. Otherwise it would be a different story now: assault causing real bodily harm, drunk and disorderly, destruction of property, disturbance of the peace….and what else those sick coppers could conjure up with their limited legal parlance. I hate cops with all my living soul. I should own a gun soon, legal or illegal, preferably an automatic. Don’t believe in killing people but cops are not human beings. They are a different species that biologist are yet to name. And that bitch wasn’t even worth a fight. Don’t even remember what the hag looked like but can recall grapping her tits. Funny! Every bitch has got its owner. Even those whom the devil created in his own very image. Alcohol is fuckin bad. Real hard fuckin bad!
Forget this pain anyway. It is such a small issue now. Have to concentrate with this shrink or counselor or doc or whatever they would like to be called. And this waiting room is so big; it would have made such a nice pub. God, I need a beer to work up my nerves. Alcoholism is in the genes. I read somewhere in some journal.
There is a sweet chick seated next to me. I wonder what has brought her. She is in such a dismal mood I can’t dare disturb her. My reveries are better. She seems to be lost in such a ghoulish trance. Or else what would contort a chick s face in such an angle?
If you would like to know that people can get serious, visit a VCT centre. Even the slim guy seated next to me is so deeply worried he should just die. The lady is ushered in. Noticed she had such a sweet derriere. Reminded me of ma ex. Ma best when it come to asses that is. Otherwise there is a harem of others with various but specific attractions too. Boobs (am a sucker for boobs, God! love them big) eyes, lips, legs, thighs, hair and other features God factored in a woman to disturb men. That gal had a bum to die for. I wonder what my mum would have said, had she met her. Maybe she would have been jealous or something. You never know with women, your mum included! The wiry guy is lead into the next room.
Am wishing that I be let into a room with a pretty-pretty gal, young at that. Don’t like discussing ma life with men, especially the sexual department. They can’t help anyway. Am not queer. You see, women could benefit by learning something men. Be they sex counselors or not. You can easily win their compassion. Even lay them. Life is like that. You never know the source of your next pussie unless you are thick.
The cheap clock on the wall struck three. This government guys are thieves. Am sure someone filed some wild returns that they bought this clock for a thousand shillings or even more. In a country where everybody is a fraud, rationality is a rare commodity. You find it in slums, not government offices. The lady with a knobby face walks out; her face looked just the same as I last saw her. These counselors don’t do nothing. How come that gal didn’t get better or worse? I doubt their education level, bet they are River Road grads and the minister of health must be from their village or most likely she pussied her way here. Pussie buys anything. Especially jobs. Forget what you see in porn. Those are second rate. There is real porn in high offices that never get to your attention. Especially if you are poor. Poverty is a serious disease. It precludes you of not only luxury but even information. Good gossip doesn’t come cheap. I tell you. After seeing that bitch’s face, I decided without anymore debate that I won’t take the test. No need to stress maself when I can avoid it. The bliss of ignorance.
Some hideous gal gave me a gummy smile and let me into some room. That smile wasn’t worth reciprocating, besides, am a firm believer in putting people where they belong. I aint such a nice guy. That am sure.
A lady with a red mini-skirt is seated facing some table to the wall. On the table are some boxes with some apparatus and papers. Reminded me of my high school lab. Several years ago. Was dating ma first gal. Claudia. Shy bitch in class eight, across the fence. But she was not a virgin. Neither was I. Claudia gave me ma first ride to the clouds nonetheless. Em days of sweet innocence. HIV was a rumor.
The chick swung from her chair to face me. Mary Mother of Jesus! That gal had thighs that could kill God the Almighty! This is the masterpiece thighs. Others are counterfeits. My tongue itched for a licking encounter. I could feel my dick rise at once in ma jeans. At that instance I confirmed I was not going to get tested. Who? Mee? Never! I want to lay this bitch. I wonna hear her scream. She rose and pointed a seat for me. I stood still for some seconds then regained my composure. I shoved ma ass to some settee in the corner and she came with some papers and sat next to me. Facing me. Looking at me. Exploring me with her lazy eyes. Oh my holy shit! Did she have boobs? Her nipples were begging for attention, the left one was bigger. I could die!
‘Hi and welcome to the community VCT centre, my name is Angela’ she told me in a sexy voice
‘Thenkx ma, ma name is Deeplow. Ts cool mirring yo’ I responded in a humble voice that was so hard to muster.
“Hey! you got such a strange name even though it is a policy to maintain the identity of our clients as anonymous as much as possible. Good to know your name though am sure I might forget it the next minute. Ok, How can I help you?’ she said with a trained smile they welcomed you with in a Five Star hotel. Very reassuring. Maybe she thought I was still interested in getting tested for this damn thing called HIV. Wished she could know that she had changed ma mission from stoking trouble to a simple lay.
‘Me is gat lotsa prolems ma. Dunno whera you cuu hulp me’ I said with subdued confidence to reflect that ma problems were dire.
“I am here to help you as much as I could. That is why we are here. The first step is you to express yourself as much as possible so that I can figure out what to do.’’
‘Thenkx ma. Well, I thought I nirred professional help to put ma sex life together. It is in shit ma. Real big shit. Am nut amused abourrit one lirl bit. AIDS aint a jook. Its lyk I have had too many chicks than is gud or normo. Think am addicted to flings or something lyk tha. Think I gorra fixit. Have tried before but flunked severally. Could you help me with thet. Its fuckin kreizy. Even now am tryin nut to have a hit on yer. Yer see, I cant resist gals. Twasnt always lyk thet. Think I hengd around the wrong guys.’ I said with a serious tone.
‘Aha haa haa, don’t say you already getting ideas with me, you can’t be serious!’ she laughed as she faced up, pushing her tits up in the process. Yellow full killing tits. Ma dick tightened harder. It hurt.
Talking sex is infectious. Now I know. Even people who are supposed to fight it can’t resist it. I thought.
‘I mean dear. Am serious. Wonna see ma fly? It’s bulging up”
‘No nooo. Not with me. Not now, not here. Remember you wanted help to fix that,’ she tried faking seriousness but could not make it. Immediately I felt triumphant. Those words betrayed someone who would not mind a lay. I had managed to change the atmosphere to be amorous.
‘Ahkey , ahkey, pls take ther as a jook. Dirrnt mean to. Sooo, what do you advise me then, I fuckin need some hulp’ I feigned shame and composure.
‘You speak nice English, where did you learn all that? That aside, are you sure you don’t need a test? Would really advise you to undergo that first. I will first have to counsel. Some people .Most. Are scared about it but it is not life and death. In case of anything you can still live a normal life.’ She deadpanned.
‘I surely don’t need no mutherfuckin tests. Am sure I aint gat nuh Aids but in case I garrit, it is the work of the post mortem guys, when am dead. Doiven try convicin me. Dowonna take that shit. Am shore. Just gimme the fuckin counseling n maby drugs to screw ma liking for chicks. This o I need for nao. If it daent waak out. I wi cam beck soon n letchu know.’ I said with finality
‘Ok, no problem. If you are not ready, then I am not going to force you into it. Well, counseling to quit sex might take some time. Hope you will be disciplined enough to adhere to the rules. We don’t have a sex rehab where we could confine you. It is a relatively new field. Its success will mainly depend with your full cooperation. There is no sex anonymous community to support you either. You really have to put a lot of effort. It is not totally insurmountable if you are committed.’
‘ Now that you are not for testing, let me get you some form to fill’ she rose steadily but not too careful so that I saw her pink panty( wish all ladies could be in pink panties, it really kills me) she swaggered , her high heels making sure her curvy ass swing in voluptuous rhythms. She retrieved some papers and came back smiling. Didn’t know that these people are relieved when nobody is getting tested. It is such a relief for all parties concerned. Or maybe she was sure that she has hooked up a hunk for the evening. Could not figure out what was going in her stupid skull.
Angelicious pulled a chair next to a table not far and beckoned me to it. She gave me a pen and stood beside me as I read the form, her boobs touched me as she bent to show me. Hard, firm, warm, hot, I just pushed back to relish in the hardness and expectedly, she didn’t resist. I savored the encounter for sometime and for once I was tempted to stand, take down ma pants and put ma cock in her boobs. I beat the temptation and decided to be serious for once in my life.
‘Could you find yerself a seat? Yer will get tired standin hii all tha time. Think I have known how to fill this thing, maby yer cuu come we summarize’ I told her in a serious tone
‘No, you might need some little help and I will get tired more by coming here and going there. Just fill it fast in case there is someone waiting’ there was some anger in her voice.
Lesson one: this broad does not take rejection kindly. I was surprised and decided to take my mind out of her breath and tits. Men! It wasn’t easy. But I had to try. At that instance, she beeped out of the door, liked what she saw, locked the door and told me I was the last client for that day so I could take my time. She resumed her position behind me and pushed her boobs harder on me.
I thought maybe to cure sex overdose in your life you needed more. She knew better. She was a professional. I was not. I skipped instructions, disclaimers blah blah and went ahead to fill the form. I decided that I will put a P.S reading: I filled it under the influence of boobs! Had a mind to do it.
I filled the motherfucking form thus;
Name:
Deeplow Hard (my mum had given me other names but they weren’t sexy, had to change men, besides, I am a global citizen and don’t want those shameless tribalists to discriminate against me)
Address:
P.O. Box 1600000000065 GPO Nairobi (I love zeros; they differentiate good bucks from chicken feed)
Profession:
Business by training, hustler by default, writer by career, (you guys should check my blogs, they are hot men) I moonlight as a gynae (this is one hobby/habit I would like to kick out with your help, have too many occupations already) drunkard, talker etc
Personality:
warm, humorous, witty, crackpot, cocky, brashy when having money, outgoing, don’t take no shit, happy-go-lucky, charming, charismatic, easy going, go-getter ( in short I am all that J.F Kennedy was. Everything. Add a little but take nothing) I am a playboy!
Interests:
Too many. Politics, women (ending from today), reading, writing, world affairs, business trends, entrepreneurship, money and music ( rock, rap, techno, pop and soul)
Present addictions:
Cunt (new), alcohol, facebook chats, city life, BBC, and VOA (love the voice of Kim Louis and Caroline Castielle,) CNN ( I blame it on Monita Rajpal) CNBC ( blame it on my fetish for Erin Burnett) I am international babie! Can’t stand the local bullshit. Am informed like shit, in fact I am a polymath.
Income level:
Comfortable to almost affluent – I knew I was lying, in fact am a broke ass.
Marital status:
I consider myself single but people are free to think about anything. Don’t real much care what every nitwit in the street think. The women I sired children with would tell you am married but ma gals will tell you am single. Very. It depends on which side of the sexual divide you are. Either way, am least concerned. They can take a plunge into the sea.
Religion:
Wish I could believe in God. Not that easy. No.
Orientation:
Can only be straight. I don’t really much care what people do with their asses, dicks n pussies. It is theirs in any case. I am not a prefect for the society. Unless somebody wants to be paying me for the job.
Family background:
Brought up in a not so close-knit family, a hard working and loving mother but with an absent and drunkard womanizing father. Religion was not discussed, and has never been discussed. I basically don’t know whether they are Muslims, Christians, Hindus, Atheists, Jews, Agnostics or Animists. My guess lies with the last two.
Years of addiction:
The dividing line between normal and addictive sex is indeed very difficult to draw. Even though am the subject, I find it really hard to tell. This is one of the issues I am seeking professional help.
I signed to be cooperative as much as possible and to avail ma ass when called upon.
All the while, Angela was continuing her sexual offensive on me. She didn’t notice what I wrote because she would have sought some clarifications on some of the wild information I was providing.
It was now my turn to return the advances. It was around six thirty in the evening by the time I was done.
It was drizzling outside. In the tropics, rain inspires a feeling of snuggling close to something. The tap tap tap sound on the roof made me wild. I pretended to sit back and hold one of the legs of the chair but extended my fingers to her legs. It was a double assault because my shoulders were now pressing on her boobs harder. I caressed her legs furtively as if by accident. She didn’t move. My experience with women has taught me that whenever there is no opposition in one level then you are free to move to the next level. I groped with my hands up her thighs. The warmer it got. Her pulse through her right tit got faster. Her breath became intense. I moved my fingers up and up her skirt till I touched the lining of her panty. She parted her legs in response as if to invite me to finger her. I did exactly that. There was a low moan. Her pussie was already juicy and warm. I rose and hold her close to me and kissed her lips. She was an expert kisser. She worked me crazy with her tongue. We fell on the settee near by. I undid her top with a rare impatience.
I seized her nipples, one hand each. Squeezed them and then decided to greet them with a kiss, then a suck and finally nibble them. Her eyes were closed but her mouth was opening and shutting in slow motion as if she was biting the pleasure bit by bit.
‘Deeplow! Boy! Please, please…do me some justice if you are a real man. Please boy, dip your dick into me .I beg you…ayah aaaaah oooaaaah, please! ’
I lifted her sweet skirt n removed her pink panty. The sound it made drove me nuts. I love the sound of panty as it is removed. It signifies victory on my side and complete surrender on her side. I love the sound that panties make as they are removed. It fires my passion, rejuvenates my libido and invigorates my energies before the action.
‘Deeplow! Please, do it nnnooow sssssss aaaaaaaa, aaaaaaa!’
I licked her yellow thighs slowly and slowly, up I marched, grandly to the Promised Land. I got to her well shaven pussie and something snapped in me, I was possessed, I sucked her clit into my mouth and she screamed. The whiff that hit ma nose as I did this made me almost scream…God!
I ripped open ma fly and lowered both my panty and jeans down and pulled out my long suffering dick.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
what i fear of this death!
What I fear of this death!
What I fear of this death
Is to be forgotten
People to walk about my grave
Without any more grieve
People to go about their business
When I no longer matter
What I fear of this death
Is for my little kids
To look innocently at mourners
Without the slightest idea
Of what is going on
Not to cry for me
Not a memory of me
What I fear of this death
Is not to vote in the next election
Not to know who will go in next
Not to know who will go out next
What I fear of this death
Is to miss all the good music
Not to savor all the hits to come
Never to hear my rock classics again
What I fear of this death
Is for all the knowledge
That I have going to waste
Going down with me
What I fear of this death
Is for my snaps to be shown by friends
And be pointed as the guy who died
Months ago, years ago, decades ago
What I fear of this death
Is the loneliness in the grave
The cold lonely grave
Maybe in a wet day
With you dressed warm
And cold me alone
What I fear of this death
Is for my Facebook and e-mail account
What I fear of this death
Is me death
And everybody else alive!
What I fear of this death
Is to be forgotten
People to walk about my grave
Without any more grieve
People to go about their business
When I no longer matter
What I fear of this death
Is for my little kids
To look innocently at mourners
Without the slightest idea
Of what is going on
Not to cry for me
Not a memory of me
What I fear of this death
Is not to vote in the next election
Not to know who will go in next
Not to know who will go out next
What I fear of this death
Is to miss all the good music
Not to savor all the hits to come
Never to hear my rock classics again
What I fear of this death
Is for all the knowledge
That I have going to waste
Going down with me
What I fear of this death
Is for my snaps to be shown by friends
And be pointed as the guy who died
Months ago, years ago, decades ago
What I fear of this death
Is the loneliness in the grave
The cold lonely grave
Maybe in a wet day
With you dressed warm
And cold me alone
What I fear of this death
Is for my Facebook and e-mail account
What I fear of this death
Is me death
And everybody else alive!
the brown pubic hair
SEX DEBUT IN THE WOODS and the Brown Pubic Hair
I don’t know how it feels to launch a debut album, but if ma sex debut is anything to go by, then any debut is a roller coaster of emotions. I will ask Obama how it felt launching his presidential campaign. Think they are all the same: anxiety, prayers that it will go well, fear of the unexpected happening, last minute fixing of loopholes and then, the plunge!
I was fourteen, God bless that sweet age, and in form two, it was August holidays. I was a hot cake because I had lead in my primary school exams in the district, the only boy in a national school in the village. I would have screwed any gal but I was not aware of ma celeb status until my cousin told me that he approached a gal only to tell him that she would do anything to get me. That was some news men! Only problem is, I had never handled a gal before, save for the childhood games when I was age three. Well, that can’t be called sex.
It was a market day, the first one on holidays and my cousin, who was schooling with the gal had planned a rendezvous for that day at four p.m. Market days served as a platform for dates. As planned, we met the gal at four. She was schooling and living in town but used to go to the village for the weekends. They were flush with cash, her dad worked in Nairobi. Every boy in the village was dying for her. I was lucky but though I wanted a lay, I didn’t quite know how to procure it. Not even how to do it if and when I got it.
We exchanged the normal pleasantries and decided on giving her a push to her village home. We avoided the main road. The shortcut to her place passed through our farm. We took the road by a river. I was shy, she was shy. My cousin pushed the discussion. We got talking. After a while, my cousin, the master strategist begged to go back to town. We released him. We talked as we walked and then I indicated we take a path that cuts through the woods. She didn’t object. We got to some clearing with tall grass. I and my elder brother used to hunt rabbits in the spot. The woods were familiar as it was our farm. I indicated we sit down. We sat.
I had never watched any porn movie before. It would have helped me. I moved closed to her and held her. She placed the palm of her hand to block her face. I didn’t know what to do. Had never kissed anybody before. I made her lie down. She didn’t resist. Her boobs were full and sweet under her red bra. I didn’t know that you could kiss them. I pushed her school tunic up. I was shaking with trepidation. I thought I was dreaming. It could not have been true.
Foreplay was nonexistent in me and I believe in the whole village. She was smiling sheepishly. I lied on top of her and eased her red panty to the side at the position of the cunthole. It was what we used to do with gals when we were kids. I saw some sparse pubic hairs. It made my dick wild. I placed my young dick on her young pussie. I shoved it into her but was hard. I pushed further and she told me she was getting hurt. I insisted on pushing. I touched somewhere warm inside her, it turned hot. I moved up n down for a while then suddenly I felt something I have never experienced before. Something that made my whole body numb. I thought it was a heart failure.
Something watery dropped from ma dick…One, two, three. I held her tight. It was sweet. Very sweet. Good lord, this is so sweeeeeeeeet! I almost screamed. That was it. After that phenomenon, my dick recoiled. I rose up and did my trouser. She lied down there and stared at me. I told her I was leaving. I was feeling shy. I asked her when we could meet again. She just stared. I left the scene feeling nonplussed but happy. I was exhilarated. I went home. I checked my cock; it had two strands of pubic hair on the spermhole. Brown pubic hair. I kept them in my wallet. They are still there to date.
Despite so much effort, that gal never greeted me again for some years to come. Leave alone a second ride in the woods. Maybe I should return her pubic hair. Maybe in the woods where I had inadvertently picked them. Will discuss it with her someday.
She is happily married to a friend of mine, together they have two kids. I know I screwed up my first sex date but I hoped she took into consideration my naivety. That was the best orgasm ever. She holds a special place in my sex chart.
I will make it a hobby of collecting pubic hairs. Only that chicks shave them clean these days. Perhaps I will be lucky with a few. I fear it will be the young ones mostly.
I don’t know how it feels to launch a debut album, but if ma sex debut is anything to go by, then any debut is a roller coaster of emotions. I will ask Obama how it felt launching his presidential campaign. Think they are all the same: anxiety, prayers that it will go well, fear of the unexpected happening, last minute fixing of loopholes and then, the plunge!
I was fourteen, God bless that sweet age, and in form two, it was August holidays. I was a hot cake because I had lead in my primary school exams in the district, the only boy in a national school in the village. I would have screwed any gal but I was not aware of ma celeb status until my cousin told me that he approached a gal only to tell him that she would do anything to get me. That was some news men! Only problem is, I had never handled a gal before, save for the childhood games when I was age three. Well, that can’t be called sex.
It was a market day, the first one on holidays and my cousin, who was schooling with the gal had planned a rendezvous for that day at four p.m. Market days served as a platform for dates. As planned, we met the gal at four. She was schooling and living in town but used to go to the village for the weekends. They were flush with cash, her dad worked in Nairobi. Every boy in the village was dying for her. I was lucky but though I wanted a lay, I didn’t quite know how to procure it. Not even how to do it if and when I got it.
We exchanged the normal pleasantries and decided on giving her a push to her village home. We avoided the main road. The shortcut to her place passed through our farm. We took the road by a river. I was shy, she was shy. My cousin pushed the discussion. We got talking. After a while, my cousin, the master strategist begged to go back to town. We released him. We talked as we walked and then I indicated we take a path that cuts through the woods. She didn’t object. We got to some clearing with tall grass. I and my elder brother used to hunt rabbits in the spot. The woods were familiar as it was our farm. I indicated we sit down. We sat.
I had never watched any porn movie before. It would have helped me. I moved closed to her and held her. She placed the palm of her hand to block her face. I didn’t know what to do. Had never kissed anybody before. I made her lie down. She didn’t resist. Her boobs were full and sweet under her red bra. I didn’t know that you could kiss them. I pushed her school tunic up. I was shaking with trepidation. I thought I was dreaming. It could not have been true.
Foreplay was nonexistent in me and I believe in the whole village. She was smiling sheepishly. I lied on top of her and eased her red panty to the side at the position of the cunthole. It was what we used to do with gals when we were kids. I saw some sparse pubic hairs. It made my dick wild. I placed my young dick on her young pussie. I shoved it into her but was hard. I pushed further and she told me she was getting hurt. I insisted on pushing. I touched somewhere warm inside her, it turned hot. I moved up n down for a while then suddenly I felt something I have never experienced before. Something that made my whole body numb. I thought it was a heart failure.
Something watery dropped from ma dick…One, two, three. I held her tight. It was sweet. Very sweet. Good lord, this is so sweeeeeeeeet! I almost screamed. That was it. After that phenomenon, my dick recoiled. I rose up and did my trouser. She lied down there and stared at me. I told her I was leaving. I was feeling shy. I asked her when we could meet again. She just stared. I left the scene feeling nonplussed but happy. I was exhilarated. I went home. I checked my cock; it had two strands of pubic hair on the spermhole. Brown pubic hair. I kept them in my wallet. They are still there to date.
Despite so much effort, that gal never greeted me again for some years to come. Leave alone a second ride in the woods. Maybe I should return her pubic hair. Maybe in the woods where I had inadvertently picked them. Will discuss it with her someday.
She is happily married to a friend of mine, together they have two kids. I know I screwed up my first sex date but I hoped she took into consideration my naivety. That was the best orgasm ever. She holds a special place in my sex chart.
I will make it a hobby of collecting pubic hairs. Only that chicks shave them clean these days. Perhaps I will be lucky with a few. I fear it will be the young ones mostly.
what will become of that woman?
What will become of that woman?
I wonder what will become of my neighbor and her marriage! It is three a.m. in the morning now you know. Just woken to the memories of what I/we did last evening.
Lemme do a bit of explaining here. Last weekend I had a fight with the bouncers in my home pub- the Sheppard’s. So, this Friday, I decided to give the good bottle a break, probably a divorce. You all know how divorces go. Not easy at all. So I decided to go home early. I don’t remember the last time I have been home at five pm in ma lifetime.
As I walked home, I was thinking of what will replace drinking as a pastime. I was mulling over several options, but hitting on married women as their husbands drink was certainly not one of them.
As I reluctantly walked home, I was joined by my neighbor who was from the corner shop. That bitch normally says hi to me with a broad smile whenever we meet. We normally exchange pleasantries and nothing beyond that. As we took the stairs to our first floor apartments, our bodies came into contact accidentally or so I thought. She then invited me for tea but I was a bit hesitant. She insisted and I decided it will be a good way to pass the evening.
As we enter her apartment, I asked her whether her husband won’t take offence in case he finds us in his house yet we are not even the slightest of acquaintances. She assured me that it will be ok and in any case she was not expecting him till late that evening. She further reassured me that they don’t have a policy of not inviting visitors. That got me relaxed.
She went to the kitchen and fixed a cuppa. She came back and went to an adjoining room that I later learned it was their bedroom. There were no kids in the house and I didn’t ask whether they had any. After a second or so she gave out a sharp cry that made me jump to my feet and check her. She stood there shuddering. She tolme that her switch has electrocuted her. I held her hand and consoled her that the voltage was not high enough to cause any harm.
She grabbed me and held me tight. Maybe it was the shock. I held her too without much knowing what else to do. She told me she wanted to sit on the bed. I put her down and made to rise but she pulled me to her. She held me still and before I knew, she was searching my mouth for a kiss. Sex has never taken me by surprise since when I was kid. It was such a pleasant surprise. Not one to squander a fucking opportunity, I kissed her back and before long we were kissing, caressing and fondling each other.
She pulled a side drawer and removed a packet of condoms. I took it and ripped it open. She removed her panty in a second and she bend to hold the side edge of the bed. She lifted her skirt up to expose some smooth brown bums. I could see the yellow lips of her pussie beckoning at me. I gave them a deep kiss with my tongue and she moaned continuously. Nothing fires me up before sex than a woman moaning. It is like a distress call.
I put on a condom in a flash, bend to her, held her neck with both hands and pumped into her. I spanked her bum with ma right hand as I held her neck with ma left hand. As I rocked her bum, she also moved back and forth and shook it at the same time. She begged me to spank her more and go faster and faster. As she came, she moaned even louder than when she was (allegedly) electrocuted. When we were done, I dumped the spent condom with ma juice by the bed where she had thrown her red g-string. We held each other for a while as we laughed.
The best sex is unplanned, and unearned. What a hot new replacement for beer!
We went to the dining room for our tea. I was happy, she was happy. I didn’t even know her name. Maybe I was to ask it later. But then there was a knock on the door. She went to answer it. In, came her husband. Said hi and went to the same bedroom we had just screwed in. I remembered the used condom by the red g-string. I bolted out. Didn’t say bye to the sweet lady.
I by-passed my door. To the Sheppard’s for a cold beer. I wonder what happened to that lady. That was lasnite. Awaiting sunlight to check this out. Oh! How I wish it was just another African fairy tale. But it is not.
I wonder what will become of my neighbor and her marriage! It is three a.m. in the morning now you know. Just woken to the memories of what I/we did last evening.
Lemme do a bit of explaining here. Last weekend I had a fight with the bouncers in my home pub- the Sheppard’s. So, this Friday, I decided to give the good bottle a break, probably a divorce. You all know how divorces go. Not easy at all. So I decided to go home early. I don’t remember the last time I have been home at five pm in ma lifetime.
As I walked home, I was thinking of what will replace drinking as a pastime. I was mulling over several options, but hitting on married women as their husbands drink was certainly not one of them.
As I reluctantly walked home, I was joined by my neighbor who was from the corner shop. That bitch normally says hi to me with a broad smile whenever we meet. We normally exchange pleasantries and nothing beyond that. As we took the stairs to our first floor apartments, our bodies came into contact accidentally or so I thought. She then invited me for tea but I was a bit hesitant. She insisted and I decided it will be a good way to pass the evening.
As we enter her apartment, I asked her whether her husband won’t take offence in case he finds us in his house yet we are not even the slightest of acquaintances. She assured me that it will be ok and in any case she was not expecting him till late that evening. She further reassured me that they don’t have a policy of not inviting visitors. That got me relaxed.
She went to the kitchen and fixed a cuppa. She came back and went to an adjoining room that I later learned it was their bedroom. There were no kids in the house and I didn’t ask whether they had any. After a second or so she gave out a sharp cry that made me jump to my feet and check her. She stood there shuddering. She tolme that her switch has electrocuted her. I held her hand and consoled her that the voltage was not high enough to cause any harm.
She grabbed me and held me tight. Maybe it was the shock. I held her too without much knowing what else to do. She told me she wanted to sit on the bed. I put her down and made to rise but she pulled me to her. She held me still and before I knew, she was searching my mouth for a kiss. Sex has never taken me by surprise since when I was kid. It was such a pleasant surprise. Not one to squander a fucking opportunity, I kissed her back and before long we were kissing, caressing and fondling each other.
She pulled a side drawer and removed a packet of condoms. I took it and ripped it open. She removed her panty in a second and she bend to hold the side edge of the bed. She lifted her skirt up to expose some smooth brown bums. I could see the yellow lips of her pussie beckoning at me. I gave them a deep kiss with my tongue and she moaned continuously. Nothing fires me up before sex than a woman moaning. It is like a distress call.
I put on a condom in a flash, bend to her, held her neck with both hands and pumped into her. I spanked her bum with ma right hand as I held her neck with ma left hand. As I rocked her bum, she also moved back and forth and shook it at the same time. She begged me to spank her more and go faster and faster. As she came, she moaned even louder than when she was (allegedly) electrocuted. When we were done, I dumped the spent condom with ma juice by the bed where she had thrown her red g-string. We held each other for a while as we laughed.
The best sex is unplanned, and unearned. What a hot new replacement for beer!
We went to the dining room for our tea. I was happy, she was happy. I didn’t even know her name. Maybe I was to ask it later. But then there was a knock on the door. She went to answer it. In, came her husband. Said hi and went to the same bedroom we had just screwed in. I remembered the used condom by the red g-string. I bolted out. Didn’t say bye to the sweet lady.
I by-passed my door. To the Sheppard’s for a cold beer. I wonder what happened to that lady. That was lasnite. Awaiting sunlight to check this out. Oh! How I wish it was just another African fairy tale. But it is not.
facebook blind date shit!
FACEBOOK BLIND DATE SHIT
Every other invention has unintended consequences. Both positive n negative. When mobile phones became widely available, it revolutionized dating. So to condom, it made casual flings a real game, even incest. Viagra was intended as a heart drug but it failed and ED became a thing of the past. Read yesterday that a drug that was meant as antidepressant failed but instead fired up libido in women. Women, you will soon smile all the way to bed. With your legs wide open, ready for action. It seems, of late, every invention becomes better used for what it was not intended for.
Facebook, the social networking site has its share of unintended effects. I love strangers, so don’t blame me for not knowing a single individual who make up my list of friends. I have no use for men either. They don’t rock me. I have a policy of strictly not caring to invite men. Even if you insist. All my exes are fighting to comment on my updates. But let this be a story for another day.
Okay, I have a thousand strange bitches as friends. No mean feat assembling this motley crew. Have met not a single soul of these. Some are white, some are black other colors are simply nondescript. Some are in Kenya, others in Africa. To make it simple, they are spread in all the five continents. Some are ladies, some are gals, and many are ageless. And of late, as this story will attest, there are sluts. Real fuckin gold diggers.
This particular whore had a nice pic but it didn’t include her face for reasons that I was to learn later. Boobs to make Janet Jackson shy, thighs that you can only come across in Rio. A nice skirt that exposed some shapely pieces of legs. It is my idea of a perfect gal.
I checked her profile info and it was satisfactory if not a tad sophisticated. She talked of horse riding and playing golf. That is some piece of class men! I targeted this bitch for a chat and she didn’t disappoint.
My chat with this bitch; Fiona, as I later retrieved from Facebook for this story, went like this:
ME: hey sexxxy gal…wassup!
FIONA: hey!
Me: hows you doin…..you got a hot pic, lovely!
FIONA: thenkx…..you are looking good yourself!
Me: thenkx dear…you got some sweet boobs, yummmmy!
FIONA: hey stop that, you making me shy
Me: dowonna be shy, you gotta be proud n floss, they are the rare type
FIONA: You are a flatterer but thanks anyway, so what you doing now
Me: chatting with you I think
FIONA: lol! Stop kidding, I mean, where you are, working?
ME: oh...i gotcha now..am in da house, sipping some Johnnie Walker if you insist on details
FIONA: Johny Walker? Mmm! Ok. You aren’t working today?
ME: I retired, I hit a big jackpot, wonna give other people the opp to get jobs
FIONA: You are lying. How come I didn’t read in the papers?
ME: twas an online jackpot, probably it escaped yer
FIONA: oh I see, lucky you
ME: maby, I don’t see maself as lucky, where u at yoself?
FIONA: am in colle, University of Nairobi
ME: that’s great, whats you studying?
FIONA: am doing media and communications
ME: wow! That’s such a cool course, you wonna kill men on TV gal, those boobs!
FIONA: thenkx, I wonna do radio, am shy
ME: maby yo voice will make me buy a new radio
FIONA: lets wait n see
ME: whats you upto tonite? It’s a Friday you know
FIONA: got no real plans, think am gonna study for exams
ME: mean, u don’t heng out, time for everythin gal
FIONA: I stopped going out sometime ago
ME: wharrapened?
FIONA: I got bored
ME: what made it suck, wharriif yo boyfie insists
FIONA: don’t have a boyfie now
ME: why? You too cute to be alone
FIONA: I dumped him, just got bored with him
ME: why, he wasn’t upto the game?
FIONA: what game, you are funny, he played me
ME: sorry for that, maby you didn’t give him enough
FIONA: it is not a must
ME: stop kidding, you mean you don’t enjoy sex
FIONA: I don’t
ME: what if I become yo boyfie; will you let me kiss yo sweeet boobs? I wont resist the temptation to do it
FIONA: how did you know they are sweet?
ME: they look hard n firm and fresh, wish I could hold them, squeeze the nipples
FIONA: you are going too far, ma nipples are not that big
ME: if I pass my tongue on them they gonna be big, am licking them on the screen already
FIONA: lol..You are cheeky
ME: anybody seeing those boobs is gonna get cheeky, gosh! Am so horny
FIONA: stop talking this trash then
ME: no, maby you can touch ma dick and twill be ok
FIONA: don’t touch dicks
ME: doworry, you gat nuthin to lose, I will do all the touching and licking. Am gonna lick all the juice in yo pussie dry.
FIONA: are you sure? N what else? You are a bad boy!
ME: that n more, gotta watch out though, I could easily swallow yo clit
FIONA: Really? My clit is so small
ME: doworry am gonna excite it n make it big n swallow it, yo pussie must be sweet!
FIONA: bad boy, you sure?
ME: am shore, wait n see, though you better watch out cos you might scream too much
FIONA: am not the screaming type
ME: you aint been done right, trust me gal, I got the magic stick, am gonna hit it to the home stretch
FIONA: lol! Home stretch? What if I don’t get there?
ME: chop ma dick off n take it home as a souvenir n label it loud mouth
FIONA: aha haa…
ME: would you mind a drink at the Sheppard’s tonite
FIONA: Maybe. But let it be early
ME: you can come right away
FIONA: How will I know you?
ME: take ma number 0722 953 981, gimme yos, just in case
FIONA: Ok. 0726 074 734
ME: will call yer when me get to town, twas fun chatting with yer babie...you such a sweet chat
FIONA: it was nice too. Bye
ME: bye HONIE! Cant wait to see yer, Cheers!
So far, so good! I jumped into the bathroom and showered as I sang the latest of Black Eyed Peas…Got a feeling, that tonite gonna be a good nite….that tonite gonna be a good good nite….uuuh uuuh! I was excited and anxious that I had won a trophy…her legs could not get out of my mind.
I put on loafers, jeans, and a hot t-shirt. I was lookin n feeln like a member of a rock band. I had worn ma rarest perfume. The one I bought in South Africa. I alerted two of ma hunting pals that I had a bounty waiting for their eyes at the Sheppard’s. They promised to play witness to ma catch. Off I went to town.
As we were seated at the lounge, my phone rang. True to expectations, it wrote FIONA! I almost punched in the air. I picked it up. Some sweet voice answered. I explained where we were seated.
1. Some tart stood on the door to the lounge and made a phone call. I didn’t mind because she was not familiar or in any way a gal like Fiona. Surprisingly, my phone rang and again showed Fiona! The haggard slut on the door could not be FIONA! God! No, not before my friends! The devil approached us n extended her hand at me. She was something out of a garbage heap. Some strong cheap perfume hit my nose. Shit! I froze in ma seat. Ma friends were left staring. What a nite!
TO BE CONTINUED!
Every other invention has unintended consequences. Both positive n negative. When mobile phones became widely available, it revolutionized dating. So to condom, it made casual flings a real game, even incest. Viagra was intended as a heart drug but it failed and ED became a thing of the past. Read yesterday that a drug that was meant as antidepressant failed but instead fired up libido in women. Women, you will soon smile all the way to bed. With your legs wide open, ready for action. It seems, of late, every invention becomes better used for what it was not intended for.
Facebook, the social networking site has its share of unintended effects. I love strangers, so don’t blame me for not knowing a single individual who make up my list of friends. I have no use for men either. They don’t rock me. I have a policy of strictly not caring to invite men. Even if you insist. All my exes are fighting to comment on my updates. But let this be a story for another day.
Okay, I have a thousand strange bitches as friends. No mean feat assembling this motley crew. Have met not a single soul of these. Some are white, some are black other colors are simply nondescript. Some are in Kenya, others in Africa. To make it simple, they are spread in all the five continents. Some are ladies, some are gals, and many are ageless. And of late, as this story will attest, there are sluts. Real fuckin gold diggers.
This particular whore had a nice pic but it didn’t include her face for reasons that I was to learn later. Boobs to make Janet Jackson shy, thighs that you can only come across in Rio. A nice skirt that exposed some shapely pieces of legs. It is my idea of a perfect gal.
I checked her profile info and it was satisfactory if not a tad sophisticated. She talked of horse riding and playing golf. That is some piece of class men! I targeted this bitch for a chat and she didn’t disappoint.
My chat with this bitch; Fiona, as I later retrieved from Facebook for this story, went like this:
ME: hey sexxxy gal…wassup!
FIONA: hey!
Me: hows you doin…..you got a hot pic, lovely!
FIONA: thenkx…..you are looking good yourself!
Me: thenkx dear…you got some sweet boobs, yummmmy!
FIONA: hey stop that, you making me shy
Me: dowonna be shy, you gotta be proud n floss, they are the rare type
FIONA: You are a flatterer but thanks anyway, so what you doing now
Me: chatting with you I think
FIONA: lol! Stop kidding, I mean, where you are, working?
ME: oh...i gotcha now..am in da house, sipping some Johnnie Walker if you insist on details
FIONA: Johny Walker? Mmm! Ok. You aren’t working today?
ME: I retired, I hit a big jackpot, wonna give other people the opp to get jobs
FIONA: You are lying. How come I didn’t read in the papers?
ME: twas an online jackpot, probably it escaped yer
FIONA: oh I see, lucky you
ME: maby, I don’t see maself as lucky, where u at yoself?
FIONA: am in colle, University of Nairobi
ME: that’s great, whats you studying?
FIONA: am doing media and communications
ME: wow! That’s such a cool course, you wonna kill men on TV gal, those boobs!
FIONA: thenkx, I wonna do radio, am shy
ME: maby yo voice will make me buy a new radio
FIONA: lets wait n see
ME: whats you upto tonite? It’s a Friday you know
FIONA: got no real plans, think am gonna study for exams
ME: mean, u don’t heng out, time for everythin gal
FIONA: I stopped going out sometime ago
ME: wharrapened?
FIONA: I got bored
ME: what made it suck, wharriif yo boyfie insists
FIONA: don’t have a boyfie now
ME: why? You too cute to be alone
FIONA: I dumped him, just got bored with him
ME: why, he wasn’t upto the game?
FIONA: what game, you are funny, he played me
ME: sorry for that, maby you didn’t give him enough
FIONA: it is not a must
ME: stop kidding, you mean you don’t enjoy sex
FIONA: I don’t
ME: what if I become yo boyfie; will you let me kiss yo sweeet boobs? I wont resist the temptation to do it
FIONA: how did you know they are sweet?
ME: they look hard n firm and fresh, wish I could hold them, squeeze the nipples
FIONA: you are going too far, ma nipples are not that big
ME: if I pass my tongue on them they gonna be big, am licking them on the screen already
FIONA: lol..You are cheeky
ME: anybody seeing those boobs is gonna get cheeky, gosh! Am so horny
FIONA: stop talking this trash then
ME: no, maby you can touch ma dick and twill be ok
FIONA: don’t touch dicks
ME: doworry, you gat nuthin to lose, I will do all the touching and licking. Am gonna lick all the juice in yo pussie dry.
FIONA: are you sure? N what else? You are a bad boy!
ME: that n more, gotta watch out though, I could easily swallow yo clit
FIONA: Really? My clit is so small
ME: doworry am gonna excite it n make it big n swallow it, yo pussie must be sweet!
FIONA: bad boy, you sure?
ME: am shore, wait n see, though you better watch out cos you might scream too much
FIONA: am not the screaming type
ME: you aint been done right, trust me gal, I got the magic stick, am gonna hit it to the home stretch
FIONA: lol! Home stretch? What if I don’t get there?
ME: chop ma dick off n take it home as a souvenir n label it loud mouth
FIONA: aha haa…
ME: would you mind a drink at the Sheppard’s tonite
FIONA: Maybe. But let it be early
ME: you can come right away
FIONA: How will I know you?
ME: take ma number 0722 953 981, gimme yos, just in case
FIONA: Ok. 0726 074 734
ME: will call yer when me get to town, twas fun chatting with yer babie...you such a sweet chat
FIONA: it was nice too. Bye
ME: bye HONIE! Cant wait to see yer, Cheers!
So far, so good! I jumped into the bathroom and showered as I sang the latest of Black Eyed Peas…Got a feeling, that tonite gonna be a good nite….that tonite gonna be a good good nite….uuuh uuuh! I was excited and anxious that I had won a trophy…her legs could not get out of my mind.
I put on loafers, jeans, and a hot t-shirt. I was lookin n feeln like a member of a rock band. I had worn ma rarest perfume. The one I bought in South Africa. I alerted two of ma hunting pals that I had a bounty waiting for their eyes at the Sheppard’s. They promised to play witness to ma catch. Off I went to town.
As we were seated at the lounge, my phone rang. True to expectations, it wrote FIONA! I almost punched in the air. I picked it up. Some sweet voice answered. I explained where we were seated.
1. Some tart stood on the door to the lounge and made a phone call. I didn’t mind because she was not familiar or in any way a gal like Fiona. Surprisingly, my phone rang and again showed Fiona! The haggard slut on the door could not be FIONA! God! No, not before my friends! The devil approached us n extended her hand at me. She was something out of a garbage heap. Some strong cheap perfume hit my nose. Shit! I froze in ma seat. Ma friends were left staring. What a nite!
TO BE CONTINUED!
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