Facebook Cheats: How to Catch Him Che...

Facebook Cheats:  Signs of a Cheating Dude

Ok, your beau’s cell phone doesn’t ring at odd hours anymore; he doesn’t hurt his toe running to the bathroom to answer them, no more awkward moments when a text message comes through in your presence…Well, this could be enough to convince you that your dude has turned over a new leaf, cleaned up and become the patron saint of fidelity. But wait; before you switch off your surveillance cameras, hang your Sherlock Holmes’ uniform and dash to the nearest supermarket for that card you saw written , ‘I love you Joe, more than ever, sorry for ever doubting your love for me.’ Just take a few minutes to log into Facebook and click ‘Joe’s profile’ and there-in lies yo playboy’s hunting ground. His Facebook inbox is bursting with phone contacts, raunchy anecdotes, declaration of undying love, directions to some digs,  and ‘thank you’ notes for ‘those wonderful moments we spent together on Saturday nite’ etc etc. You won’t get access to his inbox unless Silicon Valley is your regular hang-out but still you can glean some info in his other public activities if you are smart enough.

Here are the twenty tell-tale signs of a cheating dude:

1.      He has more friends than is practical in real life. Majority being some fly bimbos you have never heard of.

2.      His profile is souped up to portray a cool guy. Some of the details are false for image boosting

3.      His comments are flattering, flirty and consistently limited to some ‘special’ ladies he is having crushes on. If they have something going already, the lady comments his updates with equal zeal  and lust

4.      Of course his profile reads ‘single’ yet you know he is in a relationship with you

5.      He hides his chats when you happen to be around

6.      He sometimes writes coded, incomplete or incoherent comments on his harem’s updates. The subject matter of the comment is oft-time unrelated to what the gal has written and is not understandable outside of the two. The gal’s response will be equally coded. Shows something is just too juicy to be shared with the world and that something is best kept protected from the rest of the world.

7.      When he or she is responding to his/her comment, he or she is always the first to be responded to: ‘@Joe, ya can’t touch this, lol! @Ken, idiot…’  NB: Joe is the numero uno on the response priority and so too in her heart.

8.      You are sometimes at a loss over his updates only for a certain lady, of course unfamiliar with you, to comment so knowledgeably about it and the guy to concur. The exchange may continue up to ten comments just between the two of them yet you don’t get what is going on.

9.      He is always the first to comment on that particular gal(s)’wall or post.

10.  He uses choice adjectives when commenting on some gal’s pics. ( Sexxy!, hooooot!, Juicy!, wow!, stunning!, I love that smile!, Ya gat some boobies in there babie! etc etc)

11.  Some careless dudes may use fancy words when commenting on a gal’s update (dear, babie, hun…)

12.  He seems to know what’s going on in the gal’s daily life, his comment will go like, ‘those fckn exams must be screwin ya up,’ yet the gal’s update was, ‘phew! Am tired,’

13.  Check his wall on his birthday and note who is waxing poetic (thank God, he created you on this day jus 4 me, Happy Birthday sugar!)

14.  Note the goings-on in his profile ‘Joe commented on Jane’s wall, Joe and Jane are attending blah blah, Joe posted something on Jane’s wall, Joe and Jane this, Joe and Jane that…’

15.  If you suspect a gal is darting with ya beau, check her profile name in ya boy’s phonebook and dialed numbers. If ya get, check the history and frequency of calls and there you have the gal who is making ya boy go gaga.

16.  If in a streak of madness he mistakenly and regrettably gave you his log-in password, go straight to inbox and get the shock of your life.

17.  In case he logs into Facebook using your phone and forget to log off; baby, please click inbox!

18.  Use your head. Love, lust and admiration are hardly concealable.

19.  Play him too. Better still, dump him. The asshole might not be worth you anyway.

20.  Good luck. Play fair.

 Safaricom and Equity Bank are shameless thieves! the M-Kesho thing is my brainchild. came up with it in 08 and forwarded it to both equity and safaricom through a third party...read the email below and NOTE the similarity with what they have come up with...I feel robbed! 

 

equity bank

...

From:	kiprotich samoei ... Add to Contacts
To:	md@milelefm.co.ke; samboja@milelefm.co.ke; md@milelefm.com

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Business Plan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

benki yetu

 

anyboby, anywhere, any amount, any time

 

 

 

 

KIPROTICH BII SAMOEI

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

28^TH APRIL 2008

The Business Profile
Description of My Business   BENKI YETU is a saving concept that utilizes airtime vouchers and network to save money bit by bit especially by the middle and low income earners. It entails a subscriber purchasing a scratch card of any amount and instead of loading it to an airtime account, sends it to a virtual account provided by a mobile phone service provider. This can be done by any body, at any time of the day, for any amount of money, any where in Kenya . A client accumulates his/her savings with time and can check his/ her saved amount by dialing a specific number to be provided by a service provider. To withdraw savings, you dial a specific number, offload your required money equivalent and go to a bank counter, say Equity Bank, to be paid.   BENKI YETU is simply taking chama and merry-go-rounds to the next level.
Targeted Market and Customers   About ten million Kenyans have mobile phones, yet less than a quarter of these people have any account with banks. Turning ten million mobile phone subscribers into bank accounts will spur a banking revolution in Kenya . Since Kenyans are poor savers, they will be encouraged to save with ease by BENKI YETU. More so, few Kenyans have no confidence to take fifty, a hundred or even five hundred shillings to the account. Besides, access to physical banks is limited in most developing countries. With BENKI YETU, a matatu tout, jua kali artisan, mama mboga, house girl, teacher, kiosk operator or anybody will simply walk into an airtime dealer, buy a scratch card and load his/her account with any amount, anywhere and at any time of the day without queuing or feeling abashed that he/she is saving very little.   Low and middle income earners who have no access to SACCOS, banking facilities or simply want to save with ease will obviously find a home in BENKI YETU.
Growth Trends In This Business   Banking is an industry on the move. The trend is to reach as many clients in the grassroot as possible. Having a mobile phone number doubling as a bank account achieves this ultimate goal with relative ease and consequently, a large customer base is guaranteed. Since the drift in the industry nowadays has moved from making profits through interest charged on loans to making money from bank charges and other levies charged on savings, BENKI YETU enjoys an edge for its large customer base will assure profitability.   BENKI YETU will enjoy enormous goodwill from the government because it will empower the rural poor.
Pricing Power   1.      Kenya is under-banked hence will explore a large untapped market. Market accessibility is the highest. 2.     Profits to be made on withdrawal charges. 3.      Deposits can easily re-invested. 4.     Saving is effortless and involuntary. Will attract a lot of savings 5.     Compared to other banks and micro-finance institutions, there is no limit to the service in terms of time, (any time is business hours), accessibility, no stress in opening an account, no queuing to deposit. 6.      Security costs and overheads on physical facilities are minimal. 7.     People in a social group will be competing to save as much as possible. They will be comparing their savings and striving to match each other.

 

 

 

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Sent from Yahoo! Mail.
A Smarter Email.

14 Years in Jail for Being Gay is Unn...

14 Years in Jail for Being Gay is Unnatural!

14 Years in Jail for Being Gay is Unnatural!

I received with shock and disbelief the news that Malawian gay couple, Steven Monjeza, 26, and Tiwonge Chimbalanga, 20, have been sentenced to a 14 year jail term without the option of a fine. What is the rationale for jailing two innocent young men to a fourteen year jail term for doing something that is neither injurious to the state, the environment or other persons for that matter. 14 years behind bars for homosexual acts is harsh, disproportionate and illegitimate. What of a ‘crime’ that is legal in other countries, including their southern neighbor, South Africa!

Judge Nyakwawa Usiwa-Usiwa convicted both men of engaging in gay sex which he said was "against the order of nature". Who defines what is natural or unnatural? At one time in the history of the world, a union between a black and a white man were unnatural in colonial Africa and in the US before the civil rights. Now it is commonplace. In less than ten years, homosexuality will be widely accepted. Malawi should have based their judgment on world trends and some semblance of foresight and not to act like Malawi is a social island. In the near future, Malawi will be forced to apologize to the two gay couple for usurping their rights and liberty to live their lives according to the dictates of their natures. This is an illegal confinement at best. Malawi will hang her head in shame for negating the rights of minorities and promoting homophobia.

I am surprised that the president, Mr Bingu wa Mutharika, who is obviously more exposed than any other average Malawian given he was once a top World Bank official, did not see it fit to intervene. 14 years for consensual sex between adults, irrespective of its nature is just too much. Two guys, with their lives ahead of them, to waste their prime lives in squalid Malawian jails crawling with sods is unwarranted and uncalled for. It is simply undeserved. I am not gay but I am ashamed of this.

For a state to confine her productive citizens wantonly to long jail terms in the name of defending public morality shows a lack of priority and seriousness. Malawi is one of the poorest countries on earth, if they could prosecute corrupt government officials with the same zeal and zest, fight poverty with the same fervor, her citizens would be living better lives, it is a pity they are interested in investing their energies in trivialities.

Malawi has made social martyrs of these two guys. I hope their suffering will not be in vain. I hope it will encourage a sober debate on homosexuality in Africa that in turn will lead to respect of minority rights by state and citizenry.

Nigerian Senator Marries a 13 a Year ...

Nigerian Senator Marries a 13 a Year Old Egytian Girl

 

Nigeria Senate has ordered investigation into allegations that one of its senators, Mr Ahmad Sani Yerima,  49, has married a 13 year old Egyptian girl after paying $100 000 as bride price. Mr Yerima, who as governor of Zamfara state was the first to introduce Sharia Law in 1999, is also reported to have married a 15 year old girl in 2006.

It seems Mr Yerima has a taste for spring chicks!

I am ignorant of the Sharia law that he helped introduce in his state or indeed what the Koran says about ‘child brides’ as a whole. I am neither a Muslim nor a Christian but I believe morality is universal. You don’t have to profess any religion to know that a 49 year old man who is a Senator to boot should be helping crafting policies and building schools so that kids can go to school and especially making sure that the girl child is not left behind.

It is numbing to imagine what kind of a wife a 13 year old girl can make to a sensible man three times her age , leave alone a 49 year old Senator who probably has kids older than the new ‘wife’. Mr. Yerima, what about having your own 13 year old daughter marrying a man your age for a change? Or it is only poor parents who have to bear the brunt of marrying off their children instead of going to school?

Nobody in his right frame of mind can even contemplate marrying a girl of that age. When I see a girl, 18 years old and below, I don’t see them sexually, I see them as innocent kids who should be loved and protected from sexually explicit content that can warp their still impressionable minds. But our honorable Senator thinks he should go ahead and act a real sex scene with a gal who is young enough to be his grandchild. What a shame! Marrying a 13 year old is not only robbing her child hood innocence but actually killing her dreams and denying her right to filial love, care, nurturing and parental comfort.

In my Kalenjin society in Kenya, men are allowed to marry young girls but not small enough to be their grandchildren. Secondly, you cannot marry a girl whose father is younger than you. It is a taboo for an old man to marry a girl who is younger than his own daughters. It is almost an abomination.  Mr. Yerima is simply a perverted punter.

How will Mr. Yerima relate with his 13 year 'wife'? In the African set up, children are regarded to belonging to society as a whole not individuals. So kids always look upon someone their father’s age as a father and they in turn reciprocate by treating them as they would their own children. This is Africa’s idea of society. So the 13 year old girl-wife will regard Mr. Yerima as father not husband and vice versa. Islam or no Islam. That is the pragmatic side of the equation.

What is a wife anyway? I thought a wife is somebody whom you can relate, guide each other, share life as a companion, share responsibilities, procreate and enjoy each other’s company. How many of these can our Honorable Senator do with his 13 year old ‘wife’?  My morality cannot allow me to imagine him in bed with that poor Egyptian child!  

Will Mr. Yerima proudly tug his prized Egyptian trophy to a state banquet soon?

I am not a doctor but I can just imagine the health implications of Mr Yerima consummating his $100 000 bride. Whatever angle you look at this act: religion, culture or otherwise, this is outright pedophilia and Mr Yerima should be behind bars as we speak. Or according to public court Sharia law, should be stoned to death!  

I pity this burly guy. As a Nigerian Senator, he is used to stealing money from state coffers and importing expensive cars, furniture and other chattel and wanted to sate his growing appetite with another sumptuous import: a 13 year old brand new wife from the oldest civilization and home to pharaoh; Egypt! What adventure money affords rich African rulers!

What is all the rage about rich Muslim men going for young Egyptian girls? In 2008, a 92 year rich old man from the Gulf wanted to marry 17 year old Egyptian lass! The Egyptian government was forced to enact a law that bars marrying of young girls by foreigners when the age gap is more than 25 years. There are exceptions though, if the husband-to- be deposits some huge money in the wife’s name, then the girl is his for the taking. The law simply restricts the luxury of young Egyptian thighs to rich geezers.

Nigeria too is not to be outdone when it comes to their ability to marry many wives. An 86 year old guy over there, Mohammed Bello Abubakar, is married to 86 wives and has 170 kids! Maybe our senator wants to keep up with the country’s reputation now that Mr. Bello is a doting granny. Maybe.

‘Child bride’ is a thorny issue in the Islamic world and its time they address it before it can taint the reputation of an otherwise great culture and religion. Saudi Arabia holds the trophy for that kind of notoriety. The record is a 60 year old guy marrying an 8 year old girl. Mr. Yerima has a record to beat here!  Commercialization of marriage in Islam is to be blamed. That is why most geriatrics going for younger girls are men of means.  The Koran seems to be silent on this .Saudi Arabia’s  highest religious authority, the Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdul Aziz al-Shaikh, ruled in 2009 that it was not against Islamic law to marry off girls who are 15 and younger. Saudi Arabia has greater authority in matters Islam than Nigeria. Mr Yerima could be religiously right but morally and legally wrong. The verdict will depend on what law the Nigerian Senate uses to charge him. In the public court, Mr. Yerima is guilty as charged.

Is it that the younger a girl is; the pricey it is in the Islamic marriage auction, just like chickens?

Zuma is HIV Negative; Too Bad for South Africa

South African president Jacob Zuma has revealed that he is HIV Negative. He said this when launching a government program for testing and counseling outside a Johannesburg hospital. Zuma has always insisted that he has tested for HIV but has never revealed his status.

Is this good for the fight against HIV/AIDS pandemic in South Africa? I would say NO. It is good news for Mr. Jacob Zuma and his harem but bad news for South Africa. We would wish somebody who has married five wives, has a baby with a mistress and has once raped a HIV positive girl, God should have rewarded him with the virus so that he serves as a warning against risky sexual behavior to the nation.

Zuma’s sexcapades read like a Hollywood movie or a piece out of Jackie Collins. He admitted having had unprotected sex with a family friend who was HIV Positive, a matter the girl claimed was rape but the courts ruled it was consensual.  This was at a time when he was Vice President and facing corruption charges that saw him axed by then president Thabo Mbeki. He claimed he knew the girl was HIV Positive but went ahead to have unprotected sex and took a cold shower as an antidote. 

To many young South Africans, now he has confirmed that he is HIV Negative, the Zuma Shower Antidote, though not having been subjected to any scientific proof, is an effective protection against the virus. This is because a person as powerful as the president is seen as a role model and the youth look up to him. The new mantra could easily be, ‘if Zuma made it, then me too.’ This will hamper the fight against the pandemic.

Since he became president, Zuma has married a fifth wife, is in the process of marrying a sixth and has fathered a child with a mistress who happens to be daughter of a close friend. Though Zuma is involved in all these sexcapades, the virus seems to elude him. The South African youth will try to replicate his success with women and elude the virus too. Am sure the attitude against polygamy and promiscuity has since changed since Jacob Zuma became president, courtesy of his influence.

If Jacob Zuma would have tested HIV Positive because of his public sexcapades, it would have been bad for him but good for the fight against HIV/AIDS in South Africa, Africa and the world over. Because his sexcapades make world headlines, it would have been a world warning against reckless sexual behavior.

MDC Wrong on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Visi...

MDC Wrong on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Visit to Zimbabwe

The visit by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to Zimbabwe should not have been a concern to the MDC had they cared to recognize the fact that the cold war era ended. Iran, like any other state has a right to do business with Zimbabwe like any other state in the world unless the UN advises otherwise. Iran is an important trade partner to so many countries including China, and has important cultural and bilateral significance to any nation in spite of the standoff it is having with the West over her nuclear ambitions and human rights violations.

Morgan Tsvangirai and MDC boycotting of Mahmoud Ahamadinejad visit is tantamount to sucking up to the West and may vindicate Mugabe’s assertion that he is a stooge of the west. He was grossly misadvised on this. The West knows too well that Zimbabwe being an independent sovereign state has a right to choose who to trade and relate with. That Mahmoud Ahmadinejad visit will hamper efforts to lift sanctions by the west is neither here nor there. The sanctions were as a result of oppressions and human rights abuse by the Mugabe regime but were not based on Zimbabwe’s association with the so called axis of evil. The West will lift sanctions when Zimbabwe reverts back to elected democracy. Am waiting to hear MDC and Tsvangirai lauded by their svengali  for snubbing Ahmadinejad.

Tsvangirai and MDC failed to notice that modern diplomacy and multilateral ties have to be diversified rather than limited for the best of a nation.

Iran is having trouble with the West over her nuclear ambition which according to them is aimed at making a nuclear bomb but which according to Iran is for peaceful energy purposes. US is pushing for tougher UN sanctions against Iran but China, Russia and even Brazil are refusing to play ball. Has the West cut diplomatic ties with these countries because of this? NO!  So, because Zimbabwe is poor, then the West has to dictate her friends? NO, this is a bygone era.

Even if I was the president of any country on earth, I will not treat Iran like a leper. Given it is neighboring a hostile state that is being supported by the West to terrorize her neighbors; I will be the last to deny Iran the right to develop nuclear capabilities to deter Israel from attacking them. I am tired with the West’s double standards. Why allow, abet and even assist Israel to develop nuclear capabilities and deny other Arab states the same?

I have issues with the state of democracy and human rights in Iran but then there is no way we can interfere with the internal affairs of a sovereign state. The much we can do is raise our concern and let progressive Iranians bring the necessary change to their country.

I wonder what informed Morgan Tsvangirai’s boycott of Ahmedinejad visit.  Ahmedinejad has even lectured a US university in the near past. And today he is on a visit to Uganda. Kenya, my country that has close ties with the US and UK, has diplomatic ties with this Persian country with a rich culture. And so too many other countries.

Why? The US has trade ties with China yet China has the worst human rights record on earth. China even had the effrontery to ship arms to Zimbabwe as Mugabe and his ZANU-PF thugs butchered  MDC supporters in the last general election. Would Tsvangirai and the MDC shun a visit by Hu Jintao , if it was to happen? Africa has to rethink the real meaning of independence. Relationship with any other country in the world, rich or poor, east or west, should be based first and foremost on respect for our independence, sovereignty and right to steer our destiny.

MDC, that was a missed opportunity to show your diplomatic credentials and is a serious misstep!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

William Ruto Using Referendum to Balk...

William Ruto Using Referendum to Balkanize Kalenjins

The first word on William Ruto’s mouth after the PSC Naivasha retreat was to urge the Kalenjins to vote for the draft constitution once a referendum is called. He has since changed tune to a NO vote in the referendum after he saw an opportunity via the plebiscite to consolidate his support amongst the Kalenjins. To this end, he has embarked on a mission to make sure the Kalenjins vote differently from the rest of the country and therefore not only achieve this goal but also settle imaginary scores with Raila Odinga. The logic being, if Raila Odinga is in the YES camp, then Kalenjins must belong with the NO camp. William Ruto’s attitude towards Raila Odinga has metamorphosized in two years from unexplainable anger, to bitter hate and finally to outright obsession.

If Raila Odinga was to hold a press conference to announce that the sky all over Kenya is blue, William Ruto and his Kalenjin courtiers will hold a rally the next day to fault Raila’s assertion and to explain why a blue sky does augur well with the people of Rift Valley and why the sky should be made white or else Rift Valley is not party to the scientific truism.

Such is the level of William Ruto’s perverted obsession with Raila Odinga that I am not surprised that William Ruto and his poodles are rabidly against the draft and are willing to sacrifice Kenya’s quest for a new constitution on the altar of petty personal differences. Their claims are mere petty excuses that cannot justify jettisoning of the whole document. The issues they are raising cannot affect the Kalenjin more adversely than it would any other community in the country. In any case, constitution making is give and take and no one constituency can get all they want.

Through a combined propaganda machinery of Kass FM and mouths for hire in the name of leaders, the Kalenjin community has been made to feel targeted for property alienation by the draft constitution.

In his wars with Raila Odinga, William Ruto has always tried to instill a victim syndrome amongst the Kalenjins. He sees the referendum as a perfect opportunity to continue this crusade. He is now telling the Kalenjins; ‘look, I told you this Jaluo does not mean well for us, after evicting us in the Mau, he now wants to use the new constitution to dispossess us of our land in the entire Kalenjin land’. He is telling them that by rejecting the draft constitution, they will be safeguarding their land.

Land is a very emotive issue in Kenya and especially in the Rift Valley. It is not only about the colonial injustices and later alienation of land by Gikuyus that make it emotive, it is more so because wayward leaders exploit the land issue to rally the Kalenjins towards a political cause of their fancy.

Having read the current draft constitution, there is no clause that explicitly or implicitly threatens Kalenjin land or put their ownership of it at risk. The draft merely gives parliament the power to set up a minimum and maximum size that an individual can own. This clause was particularly aimed at righting land inequalities whereby some individuals own huge tracts of lands that lie idle while majority of Kenyans don’t have a place to live or eke a living. It is targeting absentee landlords and land grabbers of the past regimes. It is by no means aimed at the Kalenjin community. It is borne out of the recognition that land is a basic source of livelihood to many Kenyans yet most are denied the right to own it. It is an oxymoron that the people of the Rift valley, who stand to benefit out of this are the one being told to reject it.

 

I wonder where Kalenjin MPs are planning to be the day parliament will be enacting the land ceiling and threshold law so that they feel they should reject the entire document now. If anything, the Maasais should be more concerned about this clause than Kalenjins but the Maasais have chosen to support the draft.

By insinuating that Kalenjin land is being targeted, Kalenjin leaders are pointing a tacit finger on the Gikuyus because they are the one who have encroached on the province. It does not help much since the Gikuyus are in support of the draft.  William Ruto and his cheerleaders are whipping raw passions against supposed schemes from Gikuyu expansionists to achieve their political ends.

If there was a way of knowing what William Ruto thinks in private, I bet my bottom dollar that to him , this has nothing to do with the draft constitution and its demerits but a mere score-settling gambit with Raila Odinga and to show the world that he holds sway in Kalenjin land.

I hope William Ruto is cognizant of the ramifications of this brinkmanship.  He is hoping that the majority of Kalenjins will vote NO and by that show Kenyans that Raila Odinga has no more influence amongst the Kalenjins. In case many Kalenjins vote YES, it will puncture his image and hurt his bargaining power in 2012. Raila Odinga is fully aware of this and will spare no effort to make sure that most Kalenjins vote YES for the draft. Because of this, Rift Valley and specifically Kalenjin Rift Valley will be the only place where the referendum will be fiercely and bitterly contested by the ayes and naysayers.

Another danger is that by voting NO as a bloc, Kalenjins will be alienated from the rest of Kenya. It is clear even at this early stage that the YES side will carry the day in the country. If this scenario obtains, the rest of Kenya will view Kalenjins as difficult, sulking, petty and ungrateful lot who want to be treated as special Kenyans. This will hurt Kalenjins’ future political prospects and alliance building. It is kalenjin leaders who are tasked with the duty of watching against this but instead they want to use the referendum to serve their short term political gains.

The other issues being cited by the William Ruto group against the draft are simply non issues and meant to provoke laughter in campaign rallies.

It is up to the people of Rift Valley to read the draft and make own independent choices irrespective of what their leaders tell them. At the end of the day, the proposed draft will better the lives of the masses; the classes have nothing to lose with the current constitution and this explains their opposition to a new constitutional dispensation.

 In all fairness, does it make sense to reject a better constitution that has taken twenty years to arrive at because of a single bad clause or two out of hundreds of good clauses?