Zuma’s Loose Zipper is not an Amusing Sport

Zuma’s Loose Zipper is not an Amusing Sport

As ordinary South Africans worry about the likely performance of Bafana Bafana in the forth coming FIFA World Cup, their President has sought to assuage these fears by winning himself a lifetime achievement as the Most Promiscuous, Prolific and Polygamous Leader of All Time in his version of sport. In case the home boys lose the trophy, South Africans should take heart in the fact that the national flag is flying high on the sex front.

Who else, in all the four winds, is a leader of a modern democracy, has said ‘I do’ five times, divorced once, had one of his wives commit suicide, taken a bride while in office, won an election with a sex scandal hanging over his head, fathered an illegitimate child with a friend’s daughter, and his diary has a fixture for another bride in the next few months? Nobody, but the one and only raunchy Zulu Boy: Jacob Zuma.

While others with less serious positions and less pugnacious crimes come out with a blackened eye here, a bleeding nose there or have their careers shipwrecked forever in the Western world, it seems Africa, with all the pretence of modernity in other aspects, has a different set of standards for her leaders.

John Terry was relieved of his position as the English Captain owing to an extra-marital affair with an ex-girlfriend of his team mate Wayne Bridges. Zuma, a sitting President of a country with the highest incidences of HIV/ADS in the world, live to frolic his girlfriends and sow wild oats whilst seated cozy in his presidential office.

(His office has reported that he is taking a two day break from his presidential duties; is it mating season again Mr. President?)

Fabio Capello, the English manager, fired John Terry on the sane grounds that his affair might spur a confidence crisis with his team mates, and that as Captain, he ought to have provided a better role model to the English youth. The captain of AIDS ravaged South Africa does not feel obliged to play such role. He dabbles in tryst after tryst without the slightest of qualms. Remember, this is the guy who is charged with spearheading the fight against the HIV/AIDS pandemic, in both words and deeds.

We thought Zuma was sincerely apologetic after having sex with an HIV positive family friend before he became president. But as if to scorn the electorate, he sets forth to father a child with a daughter of his friend and apologizes again. His apologies are not only hollow but few will be comfortable with Zuma around their daughters again. And this is the guy South Africans have entrusted their nation!


In South Africa, the honor of having a president home for dinner could turn out to be a nightmare. The fox eyes your chicks as you are busy entertaining him. Before you know, your daughter has a baby with your age mate or you have a grandfather called Jacob Zuma knocking your door with dowry. This is the Zulu culture for you, according to one Jacob Zuma who has arrogated himself the position of its high priest.

The ANC party has come out fast and furious to defend Zuma’s misdeeds as a case of private life. Bill Clinton received a lot more tongue lashing for half the sin and an almost impeachment to boot. Once you are a public figure, you are accountable to the public. Period. The dividing line between private and public life becomes thin to almost non-existent. As a holder of any public office, common sense dictates that your behavior throughout your tenure reflects the respect that the office deserves. Anything short of that deems you unfit for that office. I hope Zuma is listening.

Tiger Woods’s scandal was a high profile celebrity misdemeanor. As a self made sportsman, he is not directly accountable to the American public but he saw sense enough to, not only apologize to America and the world, but took a break from golf and sought treatment. His sexcapades damaged his image and cost him billions worth of endorsements. In Africa, Zuma is entitled to ‘his privacy’. His party, that should know better, had the cheek to defend his adultery.

Imagine Obama fathering an illegitimate child or taking another wife. He won’t last another day in office!

Not only will Zuma serve his full term in spite of all these, he will go ahead and win another term. Remember it is the turn of Zulus to rule South Africa. Again, don’t forget a dying man is ruling Nigeria because it is the turn of the North to rule. The length that Africa goes to shame itself before the world in the guise of customs and traditions is stupendous.

Zuma’s son was misadvised to defend his father in this scandal. He should note that, though they are entitled to their privacy, South Africans elected their father a president and they expect a modicum of decency from him. It is called accountability in simple English. He respect the office, we respect him. Anything short of that is a breach of social contract.

The empty assertion by Zuma that he respects the family as an institution is hogwash. What greater respect can you show to the institution of family than sparing your own family the shame of adultery? What greater respect can you show to the family as an institution than sparing your friend’s family the shame of carrying illegitimate children?

Zuma might have escaped this infidelity with his balls intact but he should watch his loose zipper, it might not be that rosy next time.

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