Global Warming is killing sex!

You don’t damn sleep in this town. In fact you don’t gonna do nothing! Sex, sleep, talk etc aint possible. I have never cared a damn about Global Warming, Climate Change, Greenhouse Gases, CO2 emissions or whatever the rage the world is been screaming about since the beginning of this year. Bored stiff this one week. Every other news is Copenhagen UN Climate Change Conference and blah blah. Some dour crap I may say. Had never fathomed what fifteen thousand oddballs are doing in a Danish city apart from adding one sex destination to their have-been-overdone-that fucking list. Not until today. Am gonna do a letter to the UN. I wonna be its global ambassador for sex. My job is to highlight to the world the effects of Climate Change on their favorite sport. At least I have experienced it first hand.

I don’t remember abandoning a brand new pussie in bed at 3 am, first day, in a new town and of all things, type some story. This is fuckin strange. Very.

Guys, am in Mombasa town or whatever they call it in Swahili. Every thing here is in Swahili. It sucks. Guess they call it ‘Mombasaini’ just like Mikindani, Miritini, Kibarani; everything ends with ‘ni’. Even adverts are done in the same boring language. Every other soul talks in funnily accented Swahili. Even sluts.

Everybody is sweating. The heat is sweltering. The gals are beautiful. Perfect color, boobs and ass combination. But the heat don’t wonna letchu enjoy even the sight alone. Only problem is that they are talking this stupid language. I don’t gonna stand it. Yuck!

I came here yesterday. Never been here before. Never will come back. Unless when I have lotsa cash.

You see, I was drinking with my friends in Nairobi the previous night and they told me they are leaving for holiday in Mombasa with their car. I jumped on the adventure. There is been a lot of rave about this island. Am never one with travelling but with a free ride then it is worth giving it a try. I was assured of free sex, beer, food and accommodation. In that order of priority. One of my close friends is living here. He is been whetting my appetite for chicks in this town for a long time. This is where I am right now. Unfortunately I aint fuckin nobody now. Yet I have a gal in bed. Too bad.

Fuck the heat! It is screwing me instead.

Gosh! Some Imam or whatever is shouting himself hoarse in some mosque! Who is gonna tell him I am not understanding whatever he is saying. Oh No! they are now two, three, four… Jesus! Even birds are singing some creepy monotonous tune...Kwiraaaak! Kwiraaaak! They is gonna drive me nuts

It was such a fun drive. I had a hundred bob in my back pocket. One hundred only. But those guys are nice. Since I became a golden member of BAC (Broke Ass Club) due to joblessness, I can count up to three or four friends. And that is on the higher side. They drove and fed me on the way. What more could I have asked for?

We lunched together in town. What an old, dreary little hell of a very hot town! I had a strange meal. Simply because I could not understand the menu. Everything is in Swahili: Biriani, Pilau… I ordered the strangest item on the menu; just for the fuck of it…Biriani was my choice, only to turn out to be some colored rice…why don’t they call it colored rice for Chrissake? God! And they serve it with a ripe banana.

People here have got no manners; they eat with their hands and lick their fingers. Would have vomited if I had money to buy another meal. Ate it, didn’t enjoy.

The heat men! My shirt was out. Noticed I have developed some stupid tummy.

Had called my host. Tolme he was still working till five. I was wishing for a cold shower. Impossible. Prayed for a cold beer. It was answered. We drove to a pub called Fontanella. What a break from Swahili sounding everything! I swallowed three cold beers. It was such a hot place again. Was just wishing that I could get drunk to escape the heat. Got drunk after a few beers but it was no much help.

Were joined by a gal I knew. Some uneducated broad but lucky to be having some stupid job while I don’t. She has the biggest ass in East and Central Africa. Had asked her out once in Nairobi and she refused. She thinks she has some class. Class? My stupid ass! She doesn’t have the minimum of brains to even engage me about the weather. Chose to ignore her. It worked good.

There is this little gal I met in Facebook. She is in form four and lives here in Mombasa. She partly the reason I came. Nothing motivates me like a sexcapade. Had called her and she tolme she lives in some estate I can’t remember because obviously it is Swahili. I hate this language. She said it is ok I could go to their home. When I was sloshed enough, my host arrived. My friends dropped us in the gals place. I aint seen the gal before but she was not much of a disappointment like all blind dates nowadays. Whatever she lacked was compensated by her age. A fresh gal. In High School. Seventeen, sixteen or thereabout. Not bad. This is not child labour, pedophilia or the like.

She was excited to see the car I was driven in. In Kenya, a car works magic with gals. It loosen their panties and make their pussies wet. Your job is to fuck them. Believe me.

There was nobody in their place except her elder brother. He is cabbage. Mombasa is one rotten drug den. Didn’t know that drugs could turn somebody into a corpse. That guy could not even talk. He just leered at us sheepishly with his blood-shot eyes. That boy was just so stoned men. Aint seen anything like him.

Wonder when the last census of mosquitoes was done here! They are a billion plus one. Shit!

The gal picked up her bag and we took a cab to my host’s place. Don’t know what this place is called. Only thing I know is that it’s hot. Am naked, and sweating and dejected. This gal is sound asleep. Just fucked her once. She has a tight pussie. She is been fucked like once before. Some few inches short of a virgin. Me is fucked a million gals, what an imbalance. She is so naked and sweating, am monitoring a bead of sweat, gleaming and slowly flowing from her chest, and is trapped for a while in her nipples. God! Wish I could fuck this gal but the heat won’t let me. Lemme just lick her sweat away from her nipples. Salty!

You can’t hold a woman in bed. It is that bad.

As far as my interests could go, I used to think that Global Warming will just make pussies warmer and sweet. I know it differently now. Hoping the guys in Copenhagen would do something, otherwise sex as a sport is doomed. Wish I had gone to present my grievances. When sex is in jeopardy, everybody listens. Am sure nobody has argued from this perspective. Obama should hear my story and act; otherwise he won’t be able to frolic with Michelle in the next few years.


With dawn, maybe the heat will subside. Then I will be able to hit another round with this chick.