Woods Mr. Clean, sports-and-nothing-off- the -pitch image has taken a beating or so you think. To me I think it is the best thing to have ever happened to him. He is now more popular than ever. I saw some of my girlfriends sign up as Woods fans in Facebook. Girls are now free to imagine a fling with him. Am sure some have already dreamt with him. He is now human: Sexy, Adventurous, Raunchy, Romantic and Alive.
I didn’t know much about him before: wife, 14 majors, ancestry, children, wealth, neighborhood, endorsements etc. now I know. Thanks to the scandals. He was just a boring fellow (he admitted in jest once). Rigid and aloof with a mean smile. He was just popular because humans are inclined not to criticize success!
I hate his clean shaven face. Now that he is got some live, he should consider a moustache.
If the brouhaha is handled well, his image will come out unscathed but upgraded. Someone we can expect some divorce, drunk driving, a three-some with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton and such like. The kind of stuff that ordinary mortals are dreaming and capable of doing if we had his money and power.
Bill Clinton picks his calls if he wants some advice on how to deal with extended post-coital effects. He should consider it. Time to make new friends with real people, in the real world.
The next big event is to appear in Oprah and tell it all like a man. Tug Elin along and give her a good family kiss. Elin to admit that he hit her with a golf stick and that he was hurt in an accident escaping from a physical confrontation with her (assume a tell-it-all mode). Woods to admit that he was in the wrong. Ask for apology from her. A hidden white rose is flushed out. A tight hug from Elin. Tears and ‘I love you’ will complete the act. The next apology; from the audience. Nobody in the world will begrudge him that.
What is lost publicly can only be regained publicly. His closed door policy is a recipe for speculations.
What we want is to feel that he is just like the rest of us in all other ways except golf. We want him to be our friend.
He can even say that his future might be in politics like Schwarzenegger. The media will start comparing and contrasting them with Obama and Michelle. That will be it.
The next should be a meeting with Reverend Al Sharpton followed by Reverend Jesse Jackson. To mend ways with his African brothers and sisters. Heard he has never been so keen about his African-American links. The details of the meetings should be kept under wraps. This will chastise his deeds by appearing remorseful and redemptive.
The biggest challenge is how to contain all the gals he has since screwed. And the ones he will screw in future. Money can silence some of them. But since the public expect them to speak out, headline tabloids, write books and appear in talk shows, the effect would not damage his reputation anymore. Woods’ admissions will put an anti-climax on them..
In future, he would rather be careful. Just like Bill.
His endorsements will be some more masculine products. Many. The money will still flow.
P.S
I wish Gordon Brown could be in a Tiger Woods situation soon; this is the only thing missing for Labour to win the next election.
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