Facebook Blind Date Shit; Episode Two

Facebook Blind Date Shit; Episode Two

A picture speaks a thousand words; have found out that four out of these are spoken by Facebook Profile Pics:

1. I work in a cosmetic factory; in real life, I look something a pig has just vomited
2. The pics you seeing were taken fifty years ago or belong to our last born sister in high school
3. Boy, I picked them in online stock photos!
4. I was runners-up for Miss Morgue 2009 but you can’t tell till you meet me

This chick in-boxed me the better part of Dec, I was convinced she was cute from the pics, decided to give her a small date in town. From experience, I have known that birds who get interested with you in social networking sites are either socially inept in the real world or look a cross of a demon and a devil. Real gals get dates in the real world. They get men in buses, bars, weddings, funerals etc if they are worth it. There is no free chick in Facebook, only ugly sluts.

With my brother the other day, I phoned the chick, told me she is in a pub called Zeep but held up, and will call me once she is free. Shit! It raised the first red flag! A chick held up in a pub? At 1 P.M on a Monday, is she a cleaner? A stripper learning the routine? Second red flag, her English was so rustic, sounded like a village kindergarten teacher.

The gal had told me in earlier exchanges that she was a model, asked her agency name but she sounded tortured, then known that it was a fib. Now, with that accent, she was indeed a honky-tonk model!

I was convinced that the chick had mistaken me for a brothel client and had a mind to forget her and go about my biz in town but a combination of chivalry and adventure got the better of me.

After an hour or so, she texted me that she was free. We left to meet her.

On a high stool, puffing a cigarette, dressed in outlandish attire, drinking a Tusker beer, talking with another witch was our model. She stood to hug me, I almost vomited! Her perfume smelled like our high school toilet disinfectant, brought back lost memories! She introduced her colleague and the other gal smiled like a lion! Gosh, there is no prize for guessing that these are sluts! The pests are going hi-tech, soliciting clients in social sites. Jesus Christ Holy Brother of Mine!

Disheveled boobs, overused lips-drinking, smoking, kissing rough surfaces (bottles and drunkards and hard dicks) woody body, scratched face with thick make-up, a scar on her neck ( probably a bite from another slut) missing eyelashes….a vampire helluva slut!

Have always known sluts to be creative but this was a new one.

Reminds me of another brush with the oldest profession on earth!

A chum of mine who is left the country for long visited me the other day and we decided to slosh in a pub we used to hang out when we were broke college students, the honky tonk is called Dodds, next to Kenya Cinema, what we experienced was like a prelude to a porn movie. Sluts at different levels of getting laid, some with one boob beeping out of a bra, another with one leg lifted up a stool (pussie stench steaming out,) another kissing a patron loudly, one getting fingered by a drunk patron, another one sucking a dick… as soon as we ordered a drink, the vermin swarmed around us, I got asphyxiated with the foul stench.

Some were pretending to be nice working gals, and they had newspapers to boot! Don’t mind that it was ten at nite.

Back to my date with the model, we ordered a soda, drank quickly, watched as the slut talked herself silly and we left without another word. It was such a torture. She hasn’t called since then. Thankx be to God!

You are better off hooking up your neighbor’s housegal, the green grocer gal, the waitress with a rounded butt in your joint etc at least you know what you are getting into. Forget about Facebook!

Am I right?