Is it a Kenyan thing or universal? Ladies have this sucking habit of leaving accessories and stuff whenever they spend a night shagging in a man’s gaff. Could it be deliberate to warn the next bird that the man is a punter or maybe a good bonking causes mental aberrations in chicks? Better still, could it be an excuse to come back? A souvenir for a job well done? I quite cannot figure it out.
It is surprising I have never asked them what it is all about. It is true that most of them did never return but I am sure they would have lied like they do with all matters sexual!
Over the years, five years to be precise, ladies have been forgetting/dumping stuff in my house. I have been discarding them into a basket that I have dubbed ‘the sex collections’.
Yesterday, a certain bitch left her shawl and I did the little ceremony am now accustomed to: unceremoniously throw it to ‘the sex collections.’ Unlike others before, it prompted me to take an inventory of the collections. To my surprise, I could not remember who the hell left what, more shocking was the sheer amount of clothes, knick knacks, underwear and what not.
The following is the inventory as at February 2nd 2010:
1. 8 shawls
2. Three Umbrellas
3. A hijab- haven’t been very lucky with Muslim chicks but got a few success stories
4. Three caps
5. Two sweaters- very nice, one belonged to my neighbor’s daughter that she left recently
6. Tablets- probably morning-after pills
7. Bangles- all shades and colors, know the suspect already, some Tanzanian chick who used to accessorize like an Indian goddess but made sure she dumped them in ma digs contributed a lot to the heap
8. Several hankies- have shoved them in the trash can
9. A dozen or more earrings- ma ex was allergic to metals, surely aint the one
10. Several necklaces and bracelets- plastic, metal, enamel or is it? ( No gold, silver or diamond)
11. Six combs- wonna keep two, they normally pout for one in the morning
12. Two make-up kits- I don’t think some of the colors exist in a woman’s body unless they were applying them on their pink pussies!
13. Three pairs of sunglasses- they may all belong to some Ethiopian bitch once dated who taught she was a reincarnation of Sza Sza Gabor
14. Vials- dunno whether they contain de-wormers, lipstick or love potion
15. Phone chargers and earphones of all kinds
16. Sanitary pads (not used) - hell!
17. A bra- either the owner had spare or what, can’t figure how she left without it
18. A pink panty- belonged to a Zambian temptress, very cute, was leaving the country, told her to leave it as a memorabilia. I miss that gal. Surely do. Honestly! ( this one would not go on sale)
19. Thirty three hair bands! gosh
Now, what do I do with all this stuff? (They are not pawn quality) Sell them in a junk sale in front of my flat, take them to church, or fuck a broke chick and give her to start a shop?
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