Jobless and Broke in Nairobi? Guide to being Broke in Style in the City of Nairobi!

Jobless and Broke in Nairobi? Guide to being Broke in Style in the City of Nairobi!

Just been laid off, jobless or just downright broke? Dontchu worry, there is an art of being broke with flourish in this concrete jungle. The Broke Ass Club has come up with some Broke 101:

1. don’t broadcast to the world that you are broke. It is a private affair
2. come to town less often and during odd hours when fares are cheap
3. be out of circulation- quit former social circles to save yoself unnecessary embarrassment and financial status exposure
4. don’t stand in frustration bays in town- Uchumi House, KK restaurant, City Council, Uhuru Park, JevanJee, City Council poverty Seats etc they make you look miserable and sends brokenness signals to your detractors
5. get to know 50 Cts Cybers- Kenya Cinema Fourth floor, Uganda Hse etc can while away time as well as getting informed
6. when idle in town- go window shopping in Nakumatt Lifestyle, Enkarasha, bookshops etc and fantasize yourself having the money to buy
7. enroll in a Broke Ass Club – for encouragement, exchange fares, network for jobs
8. if you are a man, don’t date- it is unnecessary stress that can hurt your ego. Go for one nite stands when necessary. Fuck cheap- pussie is pussie anyway
9. if a gal- fuck expensive- get a rich dude or a sugar daddy!
10. if you can get a sugar mummy- jump to it!
11. don’t be cheated about money making deals in town: counterfeiting, sugar deals, expensive metals and gemstone etc- money does not come cheap, never will
12. if sly, join some small time politics, hand outs are still good in this town
13. hobnob with power brokers, they can hook you up with a job
14. Swallow your pride. There is a lot of negotiations in Brokeland and pride wont do you any good
15. be in good terms with your Landlord
16. never quit Nairobi- you will rot in the village
17. don’t pay for toilets, go to a restaurant n pee
18. befriend some shop, restaurant, office etc where you can pass time in town
19. be in good terms with the mama mboga, the local shop keeper, salon, barber etc they will extend you endless credit and bus fare at times
20. don’t ever buy a news paper, read em for free in cybers, matatus, hotels etc
21. have some financial hotlines- close friends and family who can Mpesa in a flash
22. be a recessionista- buy cheap but classy. Glamour is not a question of money but taste!
23. when you borrow, borrow big
24. don’t expect too much help from friends. Brokenness is a lonely adventure.
25. expect to be rejected.
26. avoid self pity and maintain a positive attitude
27. read about successful people who made it from scratch. It gives hope
28. write a blog
29. get to know where fries are cheap n sauce is free!
30. eat a heavy breakfast at home and do away with lunch
31. do odd jobs as long as it can give you a buck. Run errands for friends etc. Remember, brokenness will not last forever
32. quit drinking, hanging out and other compulsive habits. It will stress you for nothing yet you cannot finance
33. don’t hang around with loud mouths and big talkers. They will lower your self esteem
34. develop free and positive hobbies. Writing, reading novels, cooking, watching TV etc
35. be informed on so many stuff- information can be sold.
36. be on the look out for short term contracts- promotions, product launch etc
37. become a broker.
38. don’t wear cheap perfume. Better without it.
39. enjoy being broke, don’t fuss about it too much
40. Join Facebook and have many friends- it entertains
41. not every article you read online is useful
42. go back to school
43. am also broke, you are not alone!
44. pray God
45. work hard to get a job
46. don’t lose hope
47. good luck!
48. I love you